Last year at a national communication conference, I went to hear a panel speak on the relationship between communication and love. I actually was not that interested in the subject, but a dear friend was presenting a paper and I went to see him. As it turned out, I heard the most innovative definition of the word, love.
One of the panelists talked about the love involved in the relationship between a teacher and a difficult student. That’s not just tough love, but tough to love. This definition is what impressed me the most from the entire conference.
Love is seeing destiny in other person.
And this has what to do with communication????
Actually it is a powerful starting point for any relationship, and all communication. To see destiny in another is completely separate from warm and fuzzy feelings you may enjoy, or the lack thereof.
This came to mind after writing about gifts we don’t understand. (Now that all my friends are terrified of ever buying me a gift again!) Sometimes we give gifts based on the destiny we see in the other person: we see a budding artist, writer, intellectual, photographer, leader, learner, beautiful person.
If you’re not sure what to give as a gift for someone, think about what destiny(ies) you see in him. If you’re not sure what to say to someone, think about the destiny(ies) you see in her.
When communication is difficult, going back to a shared destiny may smooth the path. In any case, it’s a good way to break unhelpful thought patterns that may be blocking good communication.