Even though the economy is supposedly getting better, I see so many talented people who are feeling down. Could be the winter doldrums. A lot of people are feeling rejected because they still don’t have a job, or have experienced some other downer.
I certainly know what it’s like to feel rejected. I also know that rejection is a perspective that you can change. Here is a list of things that has helped me personally, and or my clients, to strengthen the habit of being confident.
Remember that your perspective is plastic, or can be changed. Worry, anxiety, and feeling depressed will never solve one single problem. While there is no magic pill or exercise to exorcise negative feelings, you can develop a habit of spending less and less time stuck in a negative spiral.
Negative thinking goes no where. It’s a circuit and the following things you can do RIGHT NOW to break that vicious cycle.
1. Remember that each diversity carries the seed of an equal or greater benefit. (That was Napoleon Hill.) To get this down, you must first realize that it is true. Recall any negative experience from your past and look for the benefits that you derived from it. If you look with an open mind, I promise you will find the benefit(s.) And even though you can’t see the advantages of your current adversity, they do exist!
2. Look for the learning experience. Failure is part of success. To achieve any single thing worthwhile, you must learn from making mistakes. The faster you make mistakes, the more you learn, the more successful you become.
3. Make taking care of yourself the top priority. Your getting exercise and rest is more important than getting out a resume. Anything that makes you healthier, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, makes you more confident. Confidence is what attracts jobs and clients to you. Exercise also gives your mind a rest from your troubles.
I find in yoga class that it takes all my concentration not to fall down on my face or backside. That’s 90 minutes of mental rest.
4. Stop shrinking yourself to make others comfortable. Here, what you need is simple awareness. I remember feeling so inadequate, so insufficiently academic because I wasn’t trying hard enough to get my writing published in certain journals. Finally I realized that I didn’t want that in the first place, and put my attention elsewhere. If you feel not accepted, you’re probably trying to shrink yourself to be something that you’re not.
5. Count your blessings. Hate to mention this, but if you’re reading this blog, you’re already in the lucky crowd. Reminding yourself of your blessings is the fastest way to turn your bad mood into a great mood.
6. Write in your journal. Writing has so many benefits, too many to mention here. (In other words, I’ll write another post about the wonder of writing. ;-)) Use your journal to be your own coach, therapist and cheerleader.
7. Get friendly support. This is not to be a whine-fest. You want to hang out with people who help you brainstorm new ideas. You know who to call. You also know who not to call.
8. Learn something new. Sign up for a class, read a book, do something to learn something completely new to you. This is what gets your creative juices gushing with new ideas and connections.
9. Read a novel. Captains and Kings was recommended to me. Get involved in fictional drama, it will be a relief from your own.
10. Put time limits on your worry time. Worry is praying for what you don’t want to happen. Allow yourself time to worry, to have an immense pity-party, to lie down in fetal position. But…only for one day, or one afternoon. Savor each minute of anxiety, then go on to something else.
11. This, too, shall pass.
12. Write down a list of past successes and achievements. You got through kindergarten, high school, and probably college. What else have you achieved already?
13. Volunteer. There are two strategies I know to this. One is to volunteer in an area where you’ll meet people related to your professional field. The other is to help out people who are far less fortunate than yourself. Either way, you won’t have much time for stinkin’ thinking.
14. Bake cookies. Yes, I know the problem with this is eating the delicious, home-baked cookies. Fortunately I have kids at home who ensure the cookies never last long. You can always share them. Or not. 😉
15. Go on vacation. Think about it. When was the last time you went on vacation? Is there anyone you could visit for a few days? I had the most delicious stay-cation in December — completely recharged my batteries. If you’re unemployed, take advantage and take some form of vacation.
16. Go to the Humane Society or other animal shelter and bring home a new family member.
17. Write out how you’d like your life to be. Do not include what is not working write now. Simply write a description of your ideal day, your ideal job, your ideal life. Getting specific on the target makes it easier for your brain to find the way to manifest this reality.