This is about those game-changer goals you entertain. My personal obsession is living at a more daring, impractical and imaginative level. You may be into Adventure and Money in the Bank. In any case, raising your bar has much to do with communication, especially with yourself.
As we’re getting to the end of the year and the holiday madness approaches, I’m planning amazing things for next year. Goal lists are great, but to reach those goals, have you noticed that you often have to give up or let go of something to make room it?
If your closet is stuffed, obviously you cannot accept any new sartorial items to spiff up your look, right?
James Bond must refuse any long-term intimate relationships because it would get in the way of being super spy Agent 007. Plus, if you watched Spectre, you learned that the new bad guy has been killing off the women James has fallen in love with. Tsk. Tsk.
Real-world Dwayne Johnson [the Rock] can bench press more than most men deadlift. Consequently, he can never run to Brooks Brothers to buy a new suit. A normal suit that can accommodate 21″ biceps will expect an equally huge waist. He has to give up shopping retail for most of his clothes. [Don’t you wonder if he knew that was gonna happen?]
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta gave up her normal name in order to become Lady Gaga.
If you become a surgeon, you have to give up doing certain handy jobs around the house; you might hurt your hands.
Professional musicians let of more free time than you can imagine in order to practice.
You don’t need to change your name, but if you want to evolve into the more daring, impractical and imaginative [or __Fill in the Blank___] version of yourself, there are things you need to shed like a snake sheds its old skin. Because it’s challenging to know what those exact things you need to strip out actually are, here some helpful examples of things, thoughts and habits my clients and I have given up in order to evolve into more fascinating versions of ourselves.
1. Excuses. Especially excuses that dress up like Reasons Not To Do It.
My public speaking clients have to give up that comfy and reliable old crutch — “I’m not good at public speaking.” Rip off that sticky “faux” reason like a Band-Aid. The truth is that when you become more skilled at something, anything, it takes a while for you actually feel more skilled. For some people, that feeling of competence never comes, or it never comes to the desired degree.
Whatever it takes for you have to get out and do it, speak out, call someone or somehow create that critical conversation, is what it takes. Even if you feel queasy about it.
Now realize that your highly-intelligent brain often pretends not to recognize your precious excuses. Part of your self [lizard brain part] sees these are “reasons not to do something,” not as mere excuses. Your lizard brain is risk adverse and is most interested in keeping everything as is. As if that were even possible.
So the next time you think, “I’m not good at writing, therefore I should not try to write for my industry publication,” stop yourself. That’s nothing but an excuse masquerading as a legitimate reason.
2. The need to be liked and appreciated by others.
If someone isn’t smart enough to see what an amazing friend, colleague, boss, family member or acquaintance you are, that’s their problem.
People have the right to be
dumb unenlightened. Adjust your attitude and expectations accordingly. Give people permission to be not as brilliant as you are.
If you need someone to do something specific for you, like listen to what you’re saying, simply ask.
For the rest, focus on doing your best and enjoying the gift of each day.
Ironically, when you change the way you look at situations and people, and you drop certain expectations, they often change. That includes the way you see other people.
Any time you notice you’re feeling low energy, ask yourself if it’s because someone has “let you down.” Then let them off the hook. Or…. it could be another unhelpful assumption you’re holding on to.
3. Unhelpful assumptions.
Assumptions are necessary but you can help yourself by help yourself by questioning assumptions that you can’t prove are correct and don’t help you.
For example, when boss Sarah acts unhappy at work, Jack often assumes she is disappointed in him. Highly unlikely. Conjure up with at least 5 possible interpretations of why Sarah is acting down.
Maybe she has a migraine, her dog is sick, she just has a negative personality, she’s deeply committed to accumulating misery.
If you really think you did something offensive, ask the person. 99.99% of the time, it’s your imagination at work, unfortunately against you.
Other unhelpful assumptions could be that a certain job isn’t for you, that you’re not good enough for that promotion or you’re terrible talking before large audiences. No matter what, skill is required, you can always get better at it.
What can you let go of to live more aligned with your deep, most daring and imaginative desires? Now is the time.
To read how Insanely-Great Gratitude can help you this holiday season, click HERE.