A saboteur is a person who practices or commits sabotage. The original French word also invokes the meaning of the verb "to botch." I'm not writing about people who sabotage, but rather the things we allow to sabotage our own effectiveness at work and happiness in general. These saboteurs soak up our time and energy, leaving us far too drained to even remember our dreams. Yet we occasionally get this glimpse that life could be different, that I could be the sparkly woman again, or have a fun party, or paint. That fun and creative part of ourselves does speak to us. It throws stones against the windows of our consciousness, trying to get our attention. Failing that, this inner creator gets bolder (pun intended!), throwing large rocks. For a stubborn person like I am, it took the huge boulder of a request for a divorce (from incredible me of all people!) to get my attention. That was in 2005. Read more »

Did you know that human beings mostly hate making decisions? That's why we so easily live in crisis mode, where our decisions are forced upon us, and generally live far below our potential. Often, "keep your options open, don't burn the boats and go along, get along" thought patterns are keeping you in the safe harbor, in case, God forbid, you make a mistake. Even though it's far easier to course correct  if you're in motion. Believe me, takes one to know one and for way too long I allowed other people to make decisions for me (i.e. I was a ditherer,) and then resented the way things turned out. I may be a slow learner, but I have learned to make decisions faster.

What's annoying is that it never stops. You're never there. Even when you massively succeed on a goal you've set, you've always got another decision to make! ;-)

What's great is this. A decision is not a tattoo. It is not engraved in marble. You can make always adjustments once you decide. You can make it work.

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Here's a Passion Fruit Writing exercise for you to play with. So much of inviting more prosperity in your life has more to do with letting go of things, than it is adding more things to do. I mean that' the problem so many of us face -- TOO much to do in too little time! It's hard to see sometimes what it is you can STOP doing. Living in a perpetual state of overwhelm is a symptom, not the cause of your frustration. This exercise is about letting go. While there can be a certain comfort to living in crisis mode, ultimately you burn out to a crisp. Here's a simple exercise for your journal:

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The alternative title to this post was "Why I almost slapped my daughter." If you had been there, you would surely understand my temptation. (That's why parenting is not for wimps.) It was the very next day after we got back from our trip to Paris and London, and this teenage child, who shall remain unnamed for right now, had a minor meltdown from overwhelm and began this rant that included the phrase, "I hate my life!" Wow. Read more »

Your life reflects all the decisions you've ever made. It's the result of the way you've played the cards that were dealt you. No doubt many decisions you're proud of, some you're not, and some you did the best you could from that special location between a rock and a hard place. The thing about making decisions today is that the options are overwhelming, Whose idea was it to create pulp-free orange juice, anyway? Read more »

At breakfast this morning Ruben asked me what my passion was. Part of the zeitgeist these days is living your passion, doing what you truly love, being authentic and all that good stuff. It's supposed to be a highly lucrative way to live. This whole idea works especially well if your passion is doing people's taxes, operating on clogged arteries, filling holes in teeth or writing meticulous contracts for banks.  Read more »

Have you heard the news, that if you go back to school and get another degree, you're sure to get a better job? Have you heard that if your marry your soul mate that you'll be taken care of the rest of your days? Were you, by any chance, taught that if you were a good little girl or boy, everything would work out for the best? 

Getting an education, getting married, being an excellent manager and practicing virtue are all wonderful things to do. But these are things you do for their own sake, not because the answer to life lies in any of these.
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Do you know of anyone who seems to accomplish so much without rushing around constantly? Do you know like a million people who live like 20 chickens running around without their heads? I do. Sometimes in talking to these people, I feel tired just from hearing all the stuff they're doing. Sometimes I feel lazy in comparison, at least for a few minutes. I'm still convinced, it's gotten through to my hard head, that the people who do the most (like I used to be) are not necessarily contributing the most, except for stress and feeling unappreciated. Read more »

Yes, I know that BEING married is not the same as GETTING married. These are some things I learned through the process of going from "victim" divorced and confused ex-wife to confident me.Here are some reminders for you.

1. For heaven's sake, LIGHTEN UP. (Look for reasons to laugh.) If you can do this, you are so way ahead of the game.

2. Give family members and friends permission to disapprove of your decisions, while accepting that they're doing the best they can from their own paradigms. Read more »

I'm getting married tomorrow so my first priority for today is finding Bridal Flip Flops. It took me a long time to commit to this event so lately I've been thinking a lot about how important it is to be decisive. That's one sure sign of a former people pleaser. Those of us who live(d) under the illusion that the way to happiness was to please other people, usually make decisions based on that criterion. And guess what? It's a mission absolutely impossible. Not only can you not please everyone all the time; it's actually impossible to please any one person all the time. Living this way is one sure path to interminable frustration. Read more »