See, I told you communication was more important than you thought! This tool involved intrapersonal communication. That means communication with yourself, where, you probably have your most fascinating conversations! Here's how it works. Good questions lead to new perspectives. New perspectives result in higher levels of thinking. Higher-level thinking is what solves your problem!

The underlying assumption, is....every problem has a solution. The kicker to that is that the solution is totally different from what you thought it should be, or even what you wanted it to be. (Hint: the solution is usually simpler than what you thought!)

There's an example after the questions to show you how this process works. These 7 questions you can use to coach yourself to solve a sticky situation, move forward on a project, to drop some burden without guilt, to take better care of yourself or just to enjoy your life more. They are in sequential order and I suggest you answer one at a time.

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It could be because they're talking about walking corpse syndrome and you want to talk about movies. It could be because they know who can answer the question about your business. It could be that you're simply in a state of comatose boredom or that someone has asked you a question that's none of their business. There are many legitimate reasons for wanting to change the subject of conversation.

Most of the time, it's not that hard and most people don't mind a change in the subject. To begin this tactful conversation maneuver, make sure you're listening closely. That is an inherent advantage you dear introverts share: introverts are better listeners!

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Some folks are slow to learn. I taught and took communication classes for most of 1997 - 2009 and it was not until 2011 that I learned about this powerful communication tool. (One elderly Cambridge Rhetoric professor wrote that it was the most important thing he had learned about communication during his long life!) I finally read about it in a textbook while substitute teaching at a local university and since then I've seen how effective it is.

You already know about feedback. How do you feel when someone says, "Hey, I'd like to give you some feedback on that talk/project report/whatever." I always brace myself inside; I know feedback is good for me, but not always fun to swallow. 

Of course right after writing the above, a colleague emailed me especially to ask my feedback on a training class he taught. Apparently, Matt is more courageous than I. "How else can I get better?" he asks. But there is performance-driving communication form even more powerful than feedback. Read more »

Received any rude emails lately? Or maybe no answer to your message? Have you witnessed any heavy-handed snarkiness? If you suspected that rudeness was on the rise, you're right, and the damage from rude behavior costs you probably more than you realize. 

This was all news to me. Last week I had the good fortune to meet with John Smith, CTO and Chief Evangelist of Sparc, a local software company. Much to my surprise, our big conversation topic was Incivility, covered in a recent article in Havard Business Review. That exchange got me to check out Dr. Pier M. Forni, a professor of Italian literature at Johns Hopkins who is also the leading civility expert. Some of what's out there on the topic is common sense, and then there are surprises.

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There's so much more to communication than speaking well, as important as that is!

When you first learn a foreign language, you usually learn one word in the other language to correspond with an English word. Gracias means thank you. But as you become more immersed in the language, you learn that there are multiple ways to translate certain ideas, and not any real translations for other concepts. It's tricky to translate to procrastinate into Spanish, because that concept is not as commonly used in Spanish-speaking cultures. Or you learn that the Spanish ahorita, can mean right now, or as soon as I can get to it, or at some point.

And then to really get the message, you see that messages have at least 2 meanings: a content meaning and a relational meaning. It's in the second layer of meaning -- the relationship builder (or not) -- where your interpretation has real potential to move you forward.

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I'm guessing you like to read, maybe not a fanatic about it, but you definitely like to learn. (Me, I'm planning a BYOB party - Bring Your Own Book! )

If you read much at Mixonian, you're learning about communication. From other blogs, books, courses and trainings, you learn productivity, team work, customer service, sales techniques and possibly the use of technology or even computer programming.

What about learning to be more courageous? 

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You may be like me and try to avoid conflict, or you may embrace it, perhaps you're the kind of person who gets a thrill in winning conflict, but conflict is always there. After finally learning that conflict-avoidance is not a viable life path, I took up the study of communication to find answers. Much to my surprise, I learned that self-knowledge is actually hugely helpful in resolving conflict. Let's take a look at how this works.

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You've heard that everything is energy. I don't get the science that well but it is clear that feeling higher energy makes you attractive, or even magnetic, while negative energy brings you, and everyone around you, down. People are always asking me how I stay so positive or how do I keep my energy so high. One big factor is that I sleep well at night. Here are 9 things to keep the winds in your sails, so you keep moving forward. (Remember it's a process, Aristotle said excellence was the sum total of your habits, not a one-time event.)

9 Insanely-Fantastic Groove Keepers 

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Maybe your office lobby doesn't look like the one in the picture, but the way you feel in your space affects your performance. While my real office is at home, I spend a lot of time in Corporate Land and see a lot of variation in how people personalize (or not) their work spaces.

10 Mixonian Favorite Supplies for Creative Achievers:

1. Non-flourescent lamp (even if the main lighting is flourescent.)

2. Moleskin agenda/journal (something you can write on.) Read more »

Not everyone enjoys the process of writing out their game plan, otherwise known as personal and professional goals. I just met someone the other night who was clear about her "not being good with goals."

The vast majority of people don't write goals. They do their best, take what comes and don't have the worry about not reaching their goals. This could be the way to avoid disappointment but I doubt it works like that.

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