"No man will ever marry a woman of your age with 3 kids;" thus spoke God to me one afternoon. Well, actually it was a wise and trusted female relative, but I took the words to be of Divine origin. This happened several years ago, when I was recently separated and not feeling at my sparkly best. I think this person made this statement to prepare me for the worst; that was her way of being helpful and supportive. Does that ever happen to you, people pointing out the negative possibilities you hadn’t thought of? How many people actually point out the positive possibilities that you haven’t thought of?
Maybe your business will succeed beyond your wildest dreams? Maybe your marriage will rock and bless everyone for multiple decades? Having the child now will be the best thing that ever happened to you? In this story I’m telling you, I took this person’s warning to heart most seriously, as I used to take all the authority figures in my life. When I was growing up, I was explicitly taught that God speaks to us through the authority figures in our lives, specifically husbands and fathers. It’s an ancient and convenient paradigm for maintaining power structures.
I have issues with authority. I bought the whole "God speaks to you through authority figures" hook, line and sinker, only to find that these people cannot rescue me, make me happy, or even appreciate (or recognize) the thousands of sacrifices I made for them. Placing my happiness in the hands of my parents and husband, who are all wonderful people, did not bring me the results I expected. In a way, I became obsessed with authority, being married for 18 years to an authoritative man, and writing a dissertation on how Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez, an authoritarian charismatic leader, built and retains his authority, even as his chaotic economic and social policies are sinking the country.
It took me a long time to see the flip side of my obsession with authority. This is probably pretty obvious to you already but for a long time, I did not see that by submitting to authority in ways that felt awkward, unproductive, or unaligned with what I really wanted, I was being totally irresponsible for my own happiness. And yet resentful for the outcomes this pattern produced.
I think God does speak to us through authority figures, and through the desires of our own hearts, through nature, books, film, pets and lots of seemingly random events.
When you decide to follow your own heart, you actually open yourself to the ability to manifest incredible miracles in your life. That has certainly been the case in my own life. At my age, with 3 kids, I’m actually getting married this summer. (You can see my fiance here.) He is a super hot, talented musician/author/entrepreneur who has been a loyal friend for several years now. He is also the person in my life who suggests to me the possibilities of great things, of outcomes far surpassing my expectations. The fact that he’s moving here in a couple of days is just one of the many miracles we’ve experienced in our relationship. My daughters are excited to have him join our family.
(You can hear more of the scoop on this in my FREE teleclass Tuesday.)
The existence of authority figures and experts is probably necessary for an ordered society. But don’t put your future in their hands; only you really know the desires of your own heart. Today might be a day of mutiny for you.