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Emotional intelligence is about using your head to manage your own emotions and those of others. Emotions can be positive or negative, high intensity or low, but today’s competitive market demands emotionally intelligent leaders.
For example, jealousy showed up at my office last week. I have had a huge business crush on eatbigfish consultancy since 2016, right before I travelled to South Africa for the first time (and so far only time). Their business is challenger brands. That means they help scrappy companies (regardless of size) compete using fewer resources than what the Big Boys and Big Girls have to play with. Adam Morgan is the Big Fish at eatbigfish. They just opened an office in Los Angeles. So they’re in London, NYC, San Francisco and now LA. Good for them. Jealousy for me.
I’m explaining this punch in my stomach, this anxiety I feel, to my husband, who doesn’t quite catch why it should bother me that a total non-competing company is bigger, more international (and way more cool) than my company. After all, I am the one who chose to delay the start of Mixonian.
Jealousy can show up for people on the move.
I cannot deny it. I am jealous of their brand. Their leader, Adam Morgan, has written one of my favorite books about one of my favorite themes. It’s A Beautiful Constraint and it’s about transforming limitations into advantages. How cool is that?
His work totally inspired my post: Your Constraints Are There to Help You.
But don’t cut me off just yet. I think a lot of ambitious folk get that icky “she’s way ahead of me” feeling from time to time. When you see someone achieve or doing what you want to be doing (or have done)….it’s easy to feel hugely inadequate.
Emotional Intel helps with jealousy.
Emotional intelligence is about using your head to manage your own emotions and those of others. Emotions can be positive or negative, high intensity or low, but today’s competitive market demands emotionally intelligent leaders.
Here’s some intel about the feeling of jealousy….a cousin to feeling inadequate.
You might be triggered to think you’re never going to make it happen.
You might even think the system is rigged against you.
You may be tempted to assume you simply don’t have what it takes.
It’s not a BAD thing, even if though it feels bad. A visit from the green-eyed monster simply means you have work to do. The thing that’s making you feel envy is where you need to direct your focus and energy. (Here’s how to move from cranky pants to cheerful.)
Here’s what you might be leaving out.
In the case of eatbigfish, they’ve been in existence almost twice as long as the Mixonian and before that the principals were consulting for other people. The eatbigfish team has earned their success.
The colleague that gets up at 5 am every morning to run 5 miles and you wish it were you….until your alarms goes off at 4:59 am. You may have your reasons for not getting up at 5 am. I know I do. But when someone else succeeds at that…
That person has earned that success.
See something you want?
Your feelings of jealousy are showing you exactly what you want. (…but may have been afraid to acknowledge.)
Don’t be jealous.
Be driven. Use that energy to get into motion and stick with it…even when you don’t feel like it.
Choose to make it happen. Or choose that it doesn’t matter.
Put in the time, sweat and courage. Or let it go.
Be your own rescue squad.
Rescue that precious energy you’re losing by feeling bad about this other person. (More on protecting your energy here.)
Identify what needs to be done: a specific action step. Do you need to:
- meet someone? (Start by writing a fan note.)
- attend a conference? (Here are conversation starters to help you.)
- give a speech**? (Use the Pre-Speech Panic Solution)
- read a book? (Try A Beautiful Constraint )
- hire a coach? (like Mixonian)
And remember this. You have good things going on that this other person might not have. You never know.
Not everyone struggles with the green-eyed monster. My husband, a violinist, used to tutor this young man, way back early in both their careers. The young man he used to tutor (in violin) is named Gustavo Dudamel, director of the Los Angeles Philharmonic. Dudamel is the most celebrated and best compensated orchestra director in the world right now. And Ruben couldn’t be happier for him.
**In the case you want or have to give a speech, I have exciting news for you. You can get last minute help from the Pre-Speech Panic Solution. That’s 75 minutes of rehearsing and professional coaching with me through Skype or Zoom. That’s confidence in your pocket for when you go on stage. Click here for more info.
Photo by Caique Silva on Unsplash
