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Research from National Science Foundation shows the average person has between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before. What’s up with YOUR self-talk?
1. Your mindset determines your self-talk.
This is how it works. Your frame of mind creates the self-talk you hear in your head all day long. That same self-talk determines which actions/responses you take. Your actions determine the results you get.
Forget about trauma. Think about the put downs and mini-rejections you deal with. Every. Single. Day.
As I write this I have four huge deals on the line. I should hear back from three of these this week. I am hopeful. I am excited. I am terrified.
As each of these deals closes, I have specific celebration plans to launch.
If any of them should not work out [for now] I have another plan. This plan is called “being okay with a failure.”
It’s precisely a way of conquering those annoying micro-adversities, which try to snatch your focus every day from every which way.
Micro adversities are those small, vexing responses like when Ms. Big doesn’t answer your email, or tells you “we need to think about it” or your great solution to the issue gets totally ignored in the meeting. Not to mention the headaches of working with narcissists and sociopaths.
It’s not that you got fired, but your mindset is tested daily [hourly?] by micro adversities. Some days are worse than others.
This overall theme for being okay with failure, whether macro or micro, comes from scriptwriter, Melissa Cassera. She writes:
Although, I have not been eavesdropping on you….your thoughts do come out when you talk to someone long enough. Sample comments I hear when things aren’t working out (or even before trying something) include the following.
Self-defeating Self Talk Samples
- I’m just dumb.
- I’m sure I’ll mess it up; I always do.
- I’m retarded.
- I could never do that because I’m too ADD.
- I should know that by now.
- What a clumsy ox.
The Problem with habitual self put-downs
You feel worse, not better. Your energy is negative and that brings you AND others down.
A negative attitude actually BLOCKS creative problem solving and critical thinking. In other words, a negative attitude makes you dull and dumb.
And…it gets worse.
While you’re berating yourself on the inside, this is the message people around you are perceiving (from the energy you give out and sloppy body language):
He doesn’t want to do this.
She doesn’t know what she’s doing.
He’s being defensive.
What a drama queen!
He doesn’t want to work with me.
….Not exactly the message you want to send out.
People can’t actually hear the conversation in your head, but they sense there’s something off about you. And there is. What’s off is the way you are letting a micro adversity take over your mind.
2. Your self-talk determines your results.
12 Suggestions for Superstar resilient self-talk, including nice thought-provoking questions when you’re facing a micro adversity:
- The reason this seems hard is I’m new to it.
- I only need to impress myself.
- What others think of me is none of my beeswax.*
- The more time I spend with this, the better I get at it.
- It’s a learning experience.
- I’m ridiculously great at ______________. (Note: you have to fill in blank.)
- I’m taking an intelligent risk here and playing full out.
- Will this matter in 3 years?
- Trying new things, reaching beyond your grasp is the opposite of failure.
- How can I make this fun (or less difficult)?*
- I really enjoy learning new things and expanding my horizons.
- “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison, inventor of the light bulb, phonograph, motion picture camera, and 1,090 other patents.
Action item: Tweet your personal favorite comeback to any micro adversity.
Write a few of these down, or put them in your phone as reminders. As SOON as you feel the beginning of a downward spiral in your energy, whip out this list to remind yourself of what you’re really made of. Address any micro adversity immediately with productive self-talk and everything else [meaning clarity and action] falls into place.Powerful self-talk is your weapon to conquer those pesky micro adversities by taking action. Click To Tweet
* my personal favorites
If you’d like to discuss a mini coaching program to convert your self-talk into rocket fuel for your success, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.